“And you really fancy being my PA?”“Yes, I really do.”“Don’t those heels hurt your feet?”Smiling, she took them off, stood and came to m.... Her hands back on my shoulders, she kissed me. I stood up and together, me still carrying my drink, we went to my bedroom. Okay, so sex was going to complicate things. When hadn’t it? She took her time. She held me as we stood beside my bed, her mouth disturbingly close to mine, which had to look up because, even without heels, she was a good five. End Diary EntryI find this part of my diary the hardest to read. I know what I wasgoing through at the time emotionally. I hadn't reconciled the rapeyet. I was just a raw nerve; trying my best to hold on to the man Iloved through the thing he loved best about me - my sex. I can feel itwhen I read this. I was frayed.What's worse, I can see the changes in Ryan. He was treating medifferently than he had before. I was blind.Diary Entry: October 2008After a good fucking from Ryan last night. More

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