“She and I were talking. I cried hard for a long time. I was totally stuffed up and had a bad headache. I went to take a shower and was standing und...r the spray. She came into the bathroom, stripped, climbed into the shower, and washed my body. But it didn’t feel sexual at all. She even dried me off and dressed me. But I honestly never even looked at her. When I asked her what she was doing she said she was helping me the best way she knew how.”“So no thoughts of sex at all?”“None. Well, Joyce. They clouded myjudgement, forced me to act before I realized what I was doing. It wasso... thorough; so palpable yet so subtle. Sometimes I didn't know whereI ended and where I began. It was a constant struggle not to snap, notto take it out on the girls.I couldn't let them know what I had become.Madeline wanted me to know her pain? I had her body and now... what? Herheart? Her cold, ugly, hateful heart? Well, it hurt alright. It sickenedme to even consider myself one iota of that woman.Was it. More

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