I continue to cry, for a long time. He gives me sugared water. I hadn't even realized he had left. I drink the water greedily. Screaming and crying is...thirsty work. He moves again behind me. How many lashes have I received? I lost count, but I can remember. Twenty to my back. Eighty more to go. I feel like I will die here. I cannot survive eighty more."Please whip my thighs"Ten to the backs of my thighs, five to each thigh. The whip curls around the thigh and the tip snaps against the tender. And you, you gave better blowjobs when you were twelve."I realized at that moment that Carl was completely serious about killing me and about possibly killing Ronnie. I was reacting in stress before this, but now it settled in.There are several stages of grief and I blew through them in a matter of seconds. I probably skipped over some, but I was grieving for myself and grieving for the future, or my lack thereof, so maybe the rules are a bit different.I had, I realized, already been in denial.. More

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