The words they wrote were torture to me, I began to think more about actually wanting to do these acts with the both of them instead of keeping it jus... in the fantasy world. It never worked out, my husband wanted to keep it just where it was, and I, though not happy, respected his decision.James and I began to drift apart; we'd gotten so wrapped up in our fantasy world that sometimes it was hard to tell myself that it wasn't reality. We'd fight through e-mails, and finally one day I told him to. Over the next few weeks, people, especially Mom, noticed a change in me.Finally I got some relief by speculating that whatever was turning the monsters loose in our town was also causing my migraines. Therefore, I was not causing the monsters to show up, but I was trying to fight them in my dreams. Oh, hell, I knew that I was just trying to relieve myself of blame, but I had to do something. Maybe I could make myself believe that cock-and-bull story. If I did, I might feel like the good guy. More

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