If I didn’t have such a manic mind I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I have been trying to think of the moment that started thi... grand decline I am stuck in. The despair seemed to start setting in right after hurricane Charley. I knew I was in trouble then. I was too preoccupied with Ginny to really pay things any attention. If I go through with this she will be hurt more than anyone. When my pain stops hers will start. I know how selfish that is, but look at me. She deserves. I had taken to eating in an effort to keep whatever strength that I could. I wondered about how much longer I could possibly last. One day, Christine had been unusually upset. I tried everything that I could think of to soothe her down. Nothing was working. I am ashamed to tell you that I found myself standing in her nursery screaming at her to just tell me what to do. I immediately clamped my hands over my face. What kind of monster could ever possibly scream at her own child like that? I went. More

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