.Two days later we arranged to meet again.He'd suggested I come to his for lunch this time, on the understanding that if we both wanted to, there woul... be the opportunity to play later. I wanted to, I really did, but I'd never done this before and my nerves were getting the better of me. After lunch of pizza and salad, he held out his hand to me and asked if I wanted to go upstairs.I froze.I wanted to go, but I couldn't move, couldn't speak. I'd known this guy all of 5 minutes, what the hell. The images seep through her fingers like fine sand peppered with doubt. Irving, Johnothan, Kenneth, Lyle… She has a deep envy of the living. She is tired of her half-existence. She is tired of being sad, tired of not even minding that someone her age should grieve. And in the thin bony box of her head she understands, and accepts, the fact that her immense unhappiness is doomed to irrelevance anyway. Why worry? Why yearn toward a dream that is doomed to be unfulfilled? Because it would ease my. More

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