But, like an idiot or coward or both, I elected to stay in chastityfor another week.By remaining in chastity, I reasoned, I would be showing Lisa that...Iwas willing to maintain her gift, so to speak. I would also be able tohold her, to touch her, and even make love to her. All right I wouldnot be able to have sex myself, but I could be with Lisa in everyother way for the three days we were to be together.She had to return home on the Sunday night but, for the three days shewas there, I managed. I could think straight again and I couldnt feel any pain. I no longer had any self loathing or desire to die all I wanted to do was take this moment and bring these children that I had pushed away for so long back into my life. I sat up and I wrapped my arms around my son and I hugged him tightly. I whispered in his ear Luke, Tonight when your father came home I prayed for God to end this for me. I meant for God to have me die but I see now that God had a different plan on how this would end.. More

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