I would like to be able to describe my feelings that morning, but I can't. On the one hand, I felt lighter somehow; as if some weight had been lifted ...ff my shoulders. On the other, I felt fear; fear that I couldn't find a solution that would satisfy us both and bring about a complete reconciliation. Were we doomed to be just friends or would one of us have to sacrifice our new life to be with the other?When I finally realized what I was feeling above all else, it was the absence of anger. I. "I know," he said, and then we kissed, long and hard.We were going to have sex tonight, I decided, and I would be a full and passionate participant in our lovemaking from now on becauseI was Helmut's woman, his lover, his wife, and because that is what Iwanted. Hoover might imagine he was coercing me into something I wouldhate but I refused to be a victim. I was Eva von Rumstahl and I wasgoing to embrace every aspect of being her.And I had.Looking back on my life since then, I pondered my. More

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