It wasn't that I planned it. Thoughts of my sister were torn from me, everything about Jackie which reminded me of her loss wrapped tightly and buried... I think I was defending myself, refusing to deal with the grief. The more time passed, the less often I felt the memories trying to surface, to the point where I'd grown an opaque shell around those memories. My sister had been lost in my past. I forgot what we did, forgot how she'd taught me about myself and about intimacy. I hid from myself. And the most rewarding is when mom had a few extra dollars taking me shopping. Just an innocent sweet loving girl. Then on October 9th when I was twelve in the 6th grade my diary entries went from innocent to slut when my teacher snapped the strap of my garter-belt I was wearing under my pants and asked "what color is it"? Then after school he asked if he could drive me home and drove down a dirt road in the woods asking me to show him my panties, stockings and garter. Slipping off my pants as. More

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