”But after a minute, she pushed herself back, took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. When she looked down, I saw tears in her eyes. I was int... another confusion before coming out from the other one. I asked her what happened all of a sudden.“Son, do you know why I drink every day?”“No, it never bothered me.”“I like sex very much”, she got into a monologue. “When your dad was there, we used to have sex every night and sometimes even a session in the early morning. I actually can’t sleep. I thought I could just move on and accept myself the way I was. But I found quitting self-righteousness just as difficult as stopping my dirty daydreams. I would pleasure myself in the darkest ways I could imagine at night, and the next day lead my peers in worship of a God I no longer understood. Part of me wanted to be punished while the other wanted me to be righteous. Neither wanted to give up. I couldn’t just throw God away, I couldn’t just throw away the propaganda fed to me by my. More

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