. trying to decide."I think over in the alcove, facing that way," mom suggested. "You'll be a lot closer to the window for one thing, so you can still...look out while you're studying." I agreed with her of course, which I'd already decided on earlier. And earlier, in anticipation of having to push the large heavy oak desk into place, I'd already removed several of the drawers, making it somewhat lighter. It was then that I removed the last two drawers, including the one with the envelope. Not mine. Not yours. Not anyone elses. Do you understand that? uhh… yes, I guess so. I just need to talk to someone about my mom and my dad and what I am and how I handle it and what I can do with my life. She dissolved into crying. What are you? I asked. Im a pain slut – a severe masochist if you want to use the proper term, but its like a drug. I keep trying for more and more and Im afraid Im going to do something stupid. She started crying again. Then she blurted out, I dont want to die. I. More

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