Even then, though, my killing thoughts lingered. I swore when I went off to college I would come back and kill him in the evening hours, my trusty gre...n car battering the life out of him as I spun my tires away back to Maryland, awaiting a call that my friend had been killed, by a stranger no less. But I didn't. I stayed my killing hand. I turned my thoughts to homosexual images of buff, bulging men muscles, glittering in tan, surreal Apollo rooms, while I shut myself in my college dormroom.. I'm ashamed I amone. Oh hell! What's happening to me? Besides being tag-team raped,that is.I need to wake up. Please wake up, Doug! Oh what the heck. I don't wantto die, even if it means living as a girl. Please wake up, Aurora!Well, I sank to calling myself by the stripper name and it didn't work.I feel so dirty. And now I'm slipping away again. I hope I'm not beingraped the next time I wake up.***"Is this really the same patient we admitted two years ago?" It's thatrough old man voice. I've. More

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