And the suckiest thing of all the suckiest things in that room was Ms Harridan, with her skanky cardigan, milk-curdling face, and her 'hamster cage af...er you haven't cleaned it out for two weeks' breath. So I was really pleased when Headmaster Crotchety invited me into his private office. Which was just as sucky as the other room but let's not go through all that again. But none of it was as sucky as Headmaster Crotchety who not only didn't offer me a seat but just went on and on about uniforms. Not because they were beautiful girls that I definitely had a few impure thoughts about, but because I wished I could dress up and join them. Oh well. At least I always had their wardrobes to steal from. One benefit to living in a Latin household is that all of the curvy girls had clothes that stretched. First I apply my mascara and eyeliner. Not too gaudy, just enough to make my eyes stand out. Next is my foundation. I've never been much of a fan of the stuff, but given that even if I shave. More

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