Rather than pretend to be noble and strong, I allowed the tears to fall. There didn't seem to be any reason to resist the sadness that covered my life...like a funeral pall. In the past, in both my lives, I usually – well, eventually - fought off the darkness as it closed in on me. After gaining and losing everything, then gaining and losing everything again, there seemed to be no point in fighting any more. If Rebecca and Colleen could not wrap their minds around this, then I had to give them. I really did hear you. I was terribly upset, but I heard you. Especiallywhen you said you needed to transition for your own survival...but howeven then, it wouldn't be possible to have the girlhood that you longedfor. Now you can be a little girl, if only for a day."I now gently cradled the Maddie costume in my arms and pressed it to mychest. "Oh, Charlotte, this is so incredibly thoughtful and sweet, butdon't you think there are some kind of...creepy aspects to this?" I did think about that.. More

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