That was April 18,1984, the day I raced home from school and jacked-off for the first time and I've been jacking-off ever since. I'll be honest, in th... beginning I didn't know to much about what I was doing. I got better at it as I aged but that first lesson stuck close to me. I've even fantasized about it many times, relieving it over and over again in my head throughout the years and I'm not ashamed to say mostly while jerking myself off, then often wondering when I finished if my old. She wasn’t wrong.But it’s not the same. The magic isn’t here anymore. It feels empty, almost unfamiliar. But a rave’s a rave and once you get what you want, the details stop mattering.-It melts on my tongue like a Listerine strip. Burns like Big Red gum and Tabasco sauce. I can feel the X bleed into my system.I should feel guilty about my broken promise. But I’m saying it’s only bent. It’s not heroine. Not coke. Not even a fifth of vodka. It’s just a little chemical push to unleash the monster. More

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