What I could feel instead was a big pair of bollocks bashin' me old Biffin's Bridge when she was thrustin' her big bratwurst into me arse." What's you... Biffin's Bridge?" I asked. I hadn't heard that expression before, so I was a bit intrigued by it."It's another name for yer perin'...yer per...pernee...um yer pern-ee-um. You know, it's the bit of skin behind your bollocks and in front of your arse'ole." Oh, you mean the perineum!" I said, "You were nearly there, and you're right it is the bit. What you need to develop is a stiffer backbone.’ ‘Mum!’ ‘Get off my back darling. Very well, I’ll contact him about this. I agree it does seem the right thing to do.’ The call finished a couple of minutes later, both mother and daughter saying they loved each other. Elle stood looking at her phone. She couldn’t believe she’d just had that conversation. For goodness sake, it sounded like slapstick, with her being the country yokel. Was that really me? She decided it was, and that behind it all. More

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