That’s my mess on your floor.? I tried.?Well, you had best clear it up then.? She went and fetched a rag, inevitably it was my dress, and threw it o... the floor in front of me. I didn’t know what to do at first but Rhonda curtly told me to start mopping so, picking up the material in my teeth, I used my dress to soak up the urine as best I could. Barely able to move I wasn't making a very good job of it as Rhonda was fast to point out. A few prods with her boots helped persuade me to work. ’ she countered. It came out like a prepared speech. ‘But it would still be my kid. It might get my ugly visage, might suffer my fate to gain three pounds by only looking at chocolate, my overflow of body hair I have to take care of way too frequently, my …’ I paused – why exactly were we having this discussion? ‘Come on, Leon, you turned out pretty handsome and you know it. But more importantly you’re intelligent, funny and you have a big heart. And I don’t feel much of those additional pounds. More

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