‘I’m leaking’ I say, and he puffs out another laugh and kisses my shoulder. A towel magically appears…my boyscout…and I make a somewhat dign...fied retreat to the bathroom. The shower walls are glass, and without apology or hesitation John, clad only in briefs, follows me in to feast his eyes on my voluptuous body as I wash. It becomes a dance for him, my soapy hands slipping and exploring my body as I know he wants to…hungers to…is going to right this second. The briefs are discarded in a tug. I know what I wasgoing through at the time emotionally. I hadn't reconciled the rapeyet. I was just a raw nerve; trying my best to hold on to the man Iloved through the thing he loved best about me - my sex. I can feel itwhen I read this. I was frayed.What's worse, I can see the changes in Ryan. He was treating medifferently than he had before. I was blind.Diary Entry: October 2008After a good fucking from Ryan last night I was finally able to broachthe subject of Tom and everything that. More

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