"The remainder of my investigation is best recorded as annotation.UntitledUnattributed [1]I was never the cool uncleToo old, too absent, too out of fa...hionI was in my thirtieswhen J was bornTwice the age of "cool"And seven years past "cool older guy"I'd said "these kids today" before she was even bornand by the time she had a favorite bandI didn't know what kind of music they playedor why anyone would like it(or me)I didn't live nearbydidn't "help raise her"wasn't "always there"not like some TV. I'm stretched out and I feel so lovely naked. So hopelessly fucked up.And I know it's just beginning and whatever I feel now is just a faint taste.I want the whole meal.I want the pain so fucking much.I want her to see me on my cross.I want him to hurt me so very badlySo very, very badly.Fifty yards.Through the darkness of the trees.To find my special tree,The tree he will fix me to.I am so fucking lucky.I look at Abi and I think she wants to be me in that moment.I want to look at her from my. More

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