Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measu...e without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and afterwards, everything felt just so much more meaningless and empty. It was not just a dream. It developed into a craving for pain and humiliation that I neither could or wanted to control. I realized that it had to surface some day. I. At first , it felt like it was going to split me in half, but it got easier over time. He took his time, allowing me to loosen up, but then he started pushing it deeper. At this point, he had only put about half of it inside me and I felt like I was completely full, but he kept pushing. He pushed slowly, but was getting more aggressive. "I was screaming and cussing. It hurt like hell, but was also turning me on. It was weird. I was scared, but also turned-on. As he heard me screaming,. More

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