I was ‘out there’ for almost a week every month. You could almost mark the calendar, between the fifth and the tenth, every month. Jack was as und...rstanding as any sane man could be. In the beginning he’d wear himself out trying to calm me down or get me up…my mood swings were a real bitch for a few days. In the end it was a spanking, some corner time and then love.Sometimes there was a paddle.I was looking for ‘daddy’, I was looking for security and, I was looking for love. To me ‘love’. Of course Thailand. We were at the Temple of the Emerald Buddha -- the grounds of the royal palace, looking over the sights. We were holding hands the whole time. Then when I let go -- I was back in my room. I looked up the Emerald Buddha on Wikipedia. It was all there. I remembered all the details -- the mirror chips in the paint, the gold costume on the Buddha ... the carvings, the gold leaf. It was as if I was really there.”“You think this woman in your dreams is Carmen?”“Who else could it. More

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