Monday morning, I consulted with the alpha male sage of our mullet-sporting sub-group and he told me the straight dope on crashing through "the iron g...tes of life," with my sore-headed soda-can cock. The next time we met, I came equipped: a fire-engine red 76 Camaro, a four pack of peach wine coolers, a small jar of Vaseline I had liberated from my mom's medicine cabinet, and, most importantly, a raging erection. After a few drinks of the disgusting potent potables, we began our earnest quest. So I ran faster than I normally do. I also ran farther than I normally do. I got to the consignment shop before they closed at 6PM."The grossly over weight lady was very sweet. She said, "The bike belongs to a retired gentlemen, who brought it for me to try to sell. He has several more if you would like a bike, but don't care for that one.: "I don't really know much about bikes," I said. "I think I would like one that is easy to ride, but not too easy. I want to use it for exercise mostly.". More

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