I dealt with some official stuff almost routinely - Phil had been a committed supporter of organ donation - then I found myself outside, roll up in ha...d, with no clear idea of where I was, how I'd got there.I think I sat there for some time. Actually, I know I sat there for some time. A nurse came and sat beside me after a while, gave me a roll up, didn't speak, just sat there with me. I don't know how he knew that that was what I needed.Eventually, I got up. I couldn't face going back to the. I just stared up ather, feeling utterly trapped. Humiliated. It had been so stupid of meto think I could follow her this evening and watch her from a safedistance in this supposedly impenetrable disguise! She'd seen throughit at a glance! I tried to say 'No I don't do this often, not ever before, not foryears and never in public, April, believe me, hardly ever, not oftenbut that was years ago, that's God's truth, I don't, I'm not a ...one of those ... I just don't do this!' But nothing came. More

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