My heart began to slowly fall inside my chest. “I asked you to clean the floor, did I not? “Yes, Daddy, I--” He held up his hand. “But I’m...looking at my floor and it’s still dirty. Was I not clear, Babygirl?” “You were clear, Daddy. I swiffered it and—“ Daddy held up his hand again. “What did I ask you to do?” “Clean the floor, Daddy.” “And what did you do?” “I swiffered the floor, Daddy.” “Bring me the Swiffer, Baby,” he said and I went to the closet and got the mop. I felt a lump. The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?”The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give daddy when HIS shit won’t get hard?!”This compliments of Mario MComplaints to wife and replyTo My Dearest Wife,During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often:We will wake the kids - 54 timesIt’s too late - 15 timesI’m too tired - 42 timesIt’s too. More

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