I sit on the bed and take several long gulps of wine. I am going to need all the courage I can drink. “I am really turned on by this thing,” Terry...admitted. “I want to try it out. Get on your back.”This was not our usual lovemaking scene. The script was usually some kissing and licking, soft foreplay, some oral. Terry has never ordered me around in bed. Well, the script had been ripped up and we were now improvising. I propped my torso against the bed headboard and spread my legs. Terry moves. (It's also a bit of pain, literally, fromtime to time.)Lately, I have found, quite by chance, another theory that supports theone that I have already worked out for myself, which I have shared, in aless-than-clinical, literary manner both in this essay and in "FirstTimer: The Aftermath." This theory, as it turns out, was expounded bynone other than Sigmund Freud himself. I came across a summary ofFreud's explanation of masochism in chapter two, "Passionate Fictions:Radclyffe Hall's The Well. More

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