The guilt builds up and conflates with an intense shame.“Boys and men don’t dress up in stockings and women’s underwear and masturbate.” “Wh... does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught, exposed and humiliated. They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re. She knew my full name and I was listed as opposed to most of my colleagues. Working in psychiatry makes you vulnerable to attacks from any patient with a beef. I've had my ribs kicked in three times and broken one patient's arm myself. All in the line of duty, of course. But I digress, methinks. A called to ask me about my hand and to tell me that she'd been transferred to outpatient status and wondered if we could meet. I was hesitant, to say the least, but she was persistent and we made an. More

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