I’d been planning a romantic evening with Neil, and now Hannah was telling me that Neil was excited at the thought of two hot young black guys summo...ed to dance and be my Jason substitute for the night. Hannah was controlling the evening, and my tiredness and the effects of the alcohol meant that I did little to influence how things were developing.I remembered how Tyrell had groped my ass at the airport earlier and about the night that I’d spent with the two twenty-something black guys back in. Then the sense of wrongness,the horrible feeling that somehow, I was going in the wrong directionbecame overwhelming. But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything,. More

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