She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer ... Well, Mister, I told her!”A man tells his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could h...lp me give up smoking.”“What did he say?”“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”“Did that do any good?”“No I can’t get the chocolate to light.”A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”“I wouldn’t share my. And as much as I hate to admit it; yes, dammit, Troilus, some of your lessons did stick!”“Well, keep doin’ what yer doin’.” Mander said, cracking open the Coke. “Cause it’s a better job than this lot here.”He gestured at the man on the TV, whose show was usually devoted to screaming about how the government is going to take everyone’s guns any moment now, but had changed his tune today, and was now screaming about how government irresponsibility in not regulating vaginas more strongly was going. More

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