.. thank you, Jeet,” I said. “I think I’ve had enough for tonight. I want to do some sightseeing tomorrow—the Red Fort and maybe go to Agra fo... the Taj Mahal—and I really should get some sleep.” What I really needed to do was to go to my room, get out of these sticky briefs I’d come in, take a shower, and regroup on why I thought I was here trying to have sexual experiences I’d never had before. Was I too old for this? Was thirty-five over the hill? Was something wrong with me to be turned on. My diaries helped me explain how my body seemed to be changing when I thought about girls, the sad unsuccessful days I had when I asked girls out & how broken & dejected it made me when I was told no. I had a particular way of dealing with my failures with girls; I would go into my mother's room find a pair of her tights & a nightdress & masturbate thinking about the girl I wanted in my life at the time.Every time I did it helped to give me closure on my failure to find a girlfriend, the new. More

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