I lifted my breasts two or three times, itching along the underwire and pinching my nipples. It was nothing sexual, I wasn’t even conscious I was do...ng it. I stood and let them fall, and then I realized what I had done. I was a woman now. I reacted to her body as a me, a woman, not a man inside a woman. I knew that was the key. I knew I had to understand the body has needs and feelings and that inside it meant nothing. I was the body I was in. I thought for a moment how if I was back in my male. ‘Yes…No…I don’t know…’ I looked down at the table again. ‘It’s just that sometimes life is great. We laugh, joke, tell stories about our childhood, we have a great time.’ ‘But…?’ ‘But…There are other times, usually at night after Crystal puts John to bed or while she is putting him to bed, that she gets this far off look in her eyes. It’s like she is lost in another place or another time and no matter what I do I can’t reach her. I feel as if she is pulling away from me. I don’t want to lose. More

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