I was so stunned I couldn't even answer when he asked me where the cookies were. He laughed and said, "Don't look so surprised to see me. I'm here to ...rant your Christmas wish." "Oh, the boys don't really need any more presents," I started to say. "It's not for the children," he replied, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I'm here to grant your Christmas wish, sugarplum. Look!" He grabbed his crotch, pulling tight the fabric of his red breeches and revealing the outline of an enormous. Then he makes the little kiss noises. KISS! EJ, Im going to punch you in the face soon. Oh, you want Katy Perry, he said. No. Baby, youre a firework! EJ! Come on, show em what youre worth! Elijah… youre so gay. You of all people know for a fact, Im not gay one bit, he said before he started singing again. Make em go oh, oh, oh, as you shoot across the sky, sky, skyyyyy! Youre about to die. Ill stop if you ride me right now, he whispered. Thats all Ive had to do this whole time? The plane was. More

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