It was sexist and just so awful - especially within our church group. I didn't want to repeat the joke, but the punch line was about how loud the girl...was when she had her first orgasm. I hated it, and it made me upset. I was the only girl on our trip, and I think they did it on purpose, just to be mean to me.And Teddy was right there, and he could tell how it made me feel, and he was upset too - upset for me. I explained to my little sister how I walked away to some empty seats way in the back. He’s right to have pushed me away the way he has. ******** I can’t explain how those long months when I was seeing Brian seem so unreal to me. It was as if I had pillows for shoes–the ground didn’t feel solid under my feet, except that…at the same time, in my head, I saw me walking down the edge of an endless razor blade. It was like if I made the slightest misstep, I would cut my feet to ribbons…and I would fall…and then I would die. That was how I saw my life. How do I explain the fog that. More

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